June is upon us and wedding season is in full swing! Celebrating love is a joyous thing, whether it’s your own wedding or a loved one’s special day, it’s an exciting time of life. But weddings can be a complex thing for many, most especially for those getting married.
There can be an expectation for your wedding day to be the best day of your life, which if you think about it, would be a sad state of affairs, after all it marks the start of a new life, not the peak itself. From my limited experience of being married these past 3 years, I’d have to say my ‘best days’ have mostly come after getting married.
But that’s not to say that the wedding day isn’t special and can’t be a truly wonderful time.
We asked past brides and grooms what advice they would give to soon-to-be newlyweds about their wedding day and some common themes emerged.
Take time to stop and take it all in — it goes by so quickly.
This is by far the No. 1 response we had. It takes focused effort to be present for the memories that will last long after the day is done, so make sure to check in with your partner and simply be, remember this day is a celebration of you two. Do what you can before the day to simplify it for yourselves so that you can experience as much of it as possible.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Things might go awry, but the wedding is one day…the marriage is the important bit.
Wedding favours, table decorations, catering dramas, the feeling of people staring at you, none of it matters once the day is done. These things can stress you in the planning and distract you on the day but they really. don’t. matter. Think about your partner, about the life you will have together, that’s the best bit.
Spend money on the things you value the most and don’t feel like you have to spend at all.
The average cost of a wedding varies depending on who you ask. The Marriage Foundation’s research suggests it’s in the range of £5000-£10,000 for the UK and The Knot reports an average spend of $28,000 for the US in 2021. Many couples we heard from wished they had spent less on the wedding day and instead saved for things like a house or traveling. Think through your values as a couple and go from there. One couple we spoke with regretted not budgeting more for a quality photographer as they realised afterwards that the photos are what lasts the longest from the day. Another couple valued music and creating party vibes and were thrilled they splashed out for a live band. Whatever wedding you want, if that’s in a courthouse or a country club, it’s your day, do your thing.
Communication is key.
People have all sorts of expectations when it comes to weddings. Families feel invested, friends have opinions too and perhaps there are things that you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on. Weddings can be a minefield but it’s also a great opportunity for you and your partner to be a team. Talking through your expectations with your partner and setting boundaries for the wedding ahead of time will not only make the wedding day simpler for everyone but it will serve you in the long run as you create a new dynamic as a married couple.
When the party is over, it’s just you and your partner.
The anticipation of the event itself can be consuming, but make sure you talk with your partner about what comes after the wedding; the wedding night, the honeymoon, and the longer term. These conversations can be hard at times but they will benefit your relationship. It could be anything from “will we have sex on the wedding night?” to “I still want to be able to go on my girl’s holidays.” to “how often do we expect to see each other’s families?”. Toucan’s communication module is helpful in giving you the tools to tackle these conversations.
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The Toucan Team wishes you the happiest of wedding days and most importantly, a very happy marriage. Investing in your relationship is work but it’s worth it.
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