Question mark in lights

10 questions to ask your partner to get to know them even better during lockdown

Communication · 4 min read

Being locked down at home is creating all kinds of pressures for many people. There are also upsides, and one might be the chance to spend more time together. We thought we’d add some conversation starters as an opportunity to talk about different things, learn more about each other and develop your relationship.

  1. TIME-MACHINE — if you could go back in time and meet anyone from history who would that person be? Why would you like to meet and talk with them? What would you ask? What question do you think he/​she might ask you, coming as you do from the future …and what would you say?
  2. MUSIC MEMORIES — each make a list of your top five or ten pieces of music growing up until now and then take turns sharing (playing and listening for real if you like). After each piece of music, tell your partner what you associate with the music, what makes it memorable or special?
  3. STRENGTHS — tell your partner what you think their strengths are. Try to identify character qualities as well as things they do well. Then give an example for each strength. In what ways do the strengths of you both work together to be a stronger marriage / couple team?
  4. ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE — some might call it: counting your blessings, and it’s known that a thankful mindset contributes to well-being. Take turns sharing all the things you are grateful for today: circumstances, big and little things, relationships and qualities you see in each-other. How many things are there …hopefully too many to count?
  5. A MILLION POUND GIFT — you each have a million pounds, but not for yourselves, it’s to give to a charity or charities. Who would you give the money to? Explain why you are giving the money? Would you want your donation to be anonymous or for the donor to know your identity, why or why not?
  6. PERFECT DAY — plan your perfect day together. What would you do when you wake up? What would you do for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Where would you be, or visit? What would you do in the evening? Plan one day with an unlimited budget. Then plan another day within realistic means.
  7. TRAVEL AND HOME — imagine you can go on a trip of a lifetime together. Where would you go and how would you travel? What would you like to do and see? What foods and cultural experiences would you like to try? While you’re visiting your dream destination you meet a local couple who ask you questions about travelling to visit your home country, what would you tell them? What do you love about your country and the place you live?
  8. HOPE AND MEANING - what gives your life hope and meaning? What helps you to feel positive about life and the future? What does having hope mean for you? If you’re not sure, then discuss different sources of hope, perhaps ask spiritual questions about who God is? Also talk about what it might look like to have hope for the future, whatever circumstances you might face?
  9. GIFT OF TIME — You are being given a special gift, you’re going to be paid the same salary but only required to work half of your hours. If you are working in the home as mum or dad then imagine your children are cared for by the perfect grandparent/​nanny/​teacher/​coach to free you up to do anything you want for half of every day. What would you do with the extra time, for yourself, and as a couple?
  10. SPECIAL ANNIVERSARY — You are celebrating a special anniversary, perhaps 40 or 50 years together. What would you like to say, as you look back, about your marriage or time together if not married? What would you celebrate? What has helped you stay together? What have you learned? What makes it worth being married or a couple?

What kinds of things get in the way of good communication for you? Sometimes communication with our partner is hard because we all have bad habits. Toucan’s Communication Module helps you explore your own communication habits, develop new good habits and grow a deeper understanding of each other.


How can you help your rela­tion­ship sur­vive lockdown?

How to help your mar­riage thrive dur­ing lockdown

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