Emma and Adam met online five years ago and this month they celebrate their third wedding anniversary. They talked to us about the benefits of being married, the challenges and how they keep their relationship fresh.
What made you decide to get married, as opposed to just living together?
Emma — I’ve been fortunate to have had great role models for marriage in my family and friends. Not only did that make marriage a really attractive commitment to me, but I could recognise elements of their marriages in mine and Adam’s relationship which made me think it would work for us.
Adam — To me, marriage is a thoughtful union where two people choose to come together and love each other regardless of what issue or event happens in the future, or what has happened before. We choose to get married because of the boundaries and trust it speaks to — over choosing to live together.
What is good about being married? What’s challenging?
Adam — Having a partner that you can share your day with, whether it be the highs or lows is great! Having someone you can tell your fears and low points to provides a loving and safe relationship, which I don’t think is necessarily just a quality of marriages, but of deep relationships also. Challenges have arisen for us because we are both opposites in so many things in our lives and characters, but coming together to mutually find space for each other is so rewarding. We have issues and battles like most relationships (particularly with communication) but we always choose to give to each other, rather than take away in the end.
Emma — I love that I get to just be around Adam most of the time, he is the person I most enjoy spending time with. The thing that surprised me the most about being married was the peace that came from having made that public commitment to each other.
Why do you think it’s worth being intentional about looking after your marriage relationship and would you give an example of something you do to do that?
Emma — Our first year of marriage was really hard, we’re very different people and there were definitely moments where we both thought ‘what have we done?! But one way we’re similar is that we both share the same top two love languages; gifts and physical touch. Knowing this about each other means we’re able to connect and love each other in ways that will be recognised and appreciated.
Adam - Setting aside time to create something as big as a holiday, all the way down to simply picking up their favourite treat on the way home from work are all important. I find it’s the little things, almost the back of the mind ideas to bless your other half.
In what ways is Toucan helpful for marriage, or any couple relationship?
Adam - I found the app to be very easy to use, with pick up and go content which was great. There’s no set up or pack down and no time limit set to complete, we can do a bit with just a moment’s notice, meaning we don’t feel pressured or end up scrambling to fit it in to our day.
Emma — Toucan was SO helpful whilst we were engaged and then during our first year of marriage especially. The communication and conflict modules helped us understand each other better, and gave us much needed language to describe how we were feeling and what we could do about it.