It might be worth starting off this piece with a short disclaimer. The very idea of a ‘strong woman’ could imply the existence of the opposite kind of woman, a weak woman, or at the least a woman who you wouldn’t define as strong. Such a woman doesn’t exist and it would be problematic to even suggest that they do. It all comes down to how you measure the ‘strength’ of a woman. Which makes this a good time to ask yourself, what are those measurements?
Most of my life I’ve been influenced by ‘strong’ women. My mother, my grandmothers, and now my wife. The wisdom and lessons they have imparted have proven to be absolutely invaluable.
When I first met Lyn, years before she agreed to marry me, I was both incredibly drawn to her and intimidated by her. She’s a tall, confident woman who wore a powerful shade of red lipstick the evening we met. She didn’t dominate a room, but she handled them with ease. When she spoke, she spoke with conviction and grace. I’m not sure she would say these things about herself, but they were my honest impressions of her.
After that first meeting I thought of her often. When, by some act of God, she agreed to date me I wasn’t entirely sure how it would go. A few dates in it was clear she didn’t need me, but she wanted me around. That was a pretty spectacular feeling. I’ll fast forward through the gushy falling in love bit and get to what it really feels like to be married to a woman with such gravitas.
I am an opinionated and stubborn man, if I was a woman the world might call me bullish. I grew up with particular ideals that have shaped my worldview. Being with someone who confronts me about them took some getting used to. Being with Lyn, who is independent and wildly capable, has sharpened and softened me as a human. Being married to her has not only made me stronger but it’s made me a more emotionally intelligent and spiritually wiser man.
My wife is currently pregnant. Every day I watch her body change as she grows a life that she will soon give birth to. It serves as a constant reminder to me just how strong God has created women to be.
She amazes me.
To end, I’d like to share a couple specific things I’ve learned. So here are my tips on being married to a strong woman:
Be secure in yourself. Her strength is your strength. You are a team and you want elite players on your team. If you find yourself playing the comparison game or feeling insecure because of her strengths, take time to humbly process your thoughts and feelings around that.
Listen to her. If you were to ask your wife “Have you ever felt unheard or like you were too ‘outspoken’ for this world?”, I would imagine that answer would be yes. It’s important for you above all others to really take the time to listen to her and champion her voice.
Just because she is strong doesn’t mean she isn’t human. I’ve found that most people we label as “strong” feel things deeply within their soul. Her strength is your strength, yes, but her sorrow is also your sorrow. You have a role to play in her emotional safety and protection. Be kind. Be empathetic. Be compassionate.
TIP — Toucan Together’s new Growing Module sets up some great conversations about strengthening your relationship as a couple. You’ll discover how to grow together through 5 common relationship challenges; explore 5 ingredients for a thriving relationship and find fresh perspectives for marriage (whether you’re married, living together or dating). You’ll also hear some great real stories from couples talking honestly and openly about their relationships. GET STARTED | LOG IN